Friday, February 29, 2008

America's Fastest Growing Game!

Me: Time to play America's fastest growing game: Good News/ Bad News! Our contestant this week is Hillary Clinton! Okay, Hill-dog, thanks for being here, are you ready to play?

HRC: Ready now, Chris, and ready on day one---

Me: (cutting her off) Sure you are! Here's how you play, first we give you a piece of good news and then you have to guess the bad news that follows. Got it?

HRC: Yes, I know this game well. I've spent my life, the last 35 years preparing for this momen---

Me: Right. Here's the good news: Your campaign announced yesterday that it raised $35 million in February alone, it's best month ever. Now, what's the bad news?

HRC: Well, the bad news, Chris, is that millions of Americans still can't afford decent health care and that we're shipping our job---

(buzzer sounds)

Me: Ohhhhh, sorry Hill-Clizzle. The bad news is that your opponent broke all fundraising records by taking in $50 million for his campaign. More bad news, he raised $7 the day after Super Tuesday alone, and has raised $87m (according to projections) so far this year. So thanks for playing, Hill-meister, you looked good for a while there, but in the end just couldn't get it done. But you won't go home empty handed, tell her her parting gift, Johnny...

Johnny: Don't worry, Hill-bag, you get four more years in the United States Senate!!!

HRC: (sobs quitely)

1 comment:

CPUSA said...

Ironic, because it seems with the countless hours of news coverage devoted to every syllable from each candidate, only brief, yet succinct, satirical looks into the process helps clarify current situations. As funny as this piece is, nothing on CNN, MSNBC, Fox, etc. (i.e. the pros) comes close to explaining just how bad The Hill has sucked a$$ since February 5th.